I went to the doctor on Thursday, I'm now dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced. She is already bigger than Tragan was when he was born and still no contractions, so I seem to think she will never come! Yes, I'm excited that there seems to be progression, and it may just be because with Tragan I was induced so I don't know what it's like to have it happen when my body is ready, but I am sooooo done with this waiting process! I'm typically and okay patient person, but I've had it. Somebody pop me! I'm ornery as all get out, to everyone around me, and I swear if one more person tells me to be patient I will lose it! (I love you friends, and sorry I have not been very nice, its nothing personal towards you!) Poor Tragan knows how stressed Kenny and I are with work, money, and knowing the baby can come any day now. And of course, when a child senses stress, what do they do- ADD MORE! He's always been a rather well behaved child and I have never had more problems with him than I have in the last week. We've screamed at eachother and slammed more doors and cried more than ever in this house. He has been outragous with fits in public (I'm talking the lay on the ground, kick and scream kind) and now has started biting and punching. He can't be punished any farther than he has been, the naughty corner, toys gone, tv gone, and my military attitude that takes over me from when I was younger with my dad. Poor kid, I really just needed patience. Not only with the pregnancy, but with Kenny and Tragan. So after a week of three ornery people co-existing in this house, I finally got on my knees and involved the Lord. Why do I always do that last? He should be the first I go to, yet I have to let things get way out of hand before I involve him. Needless to say, once I did, today was a vast improvement. I had more patience, Tragan cooperated better than I expected, and I was able to concentrate on other things around the house and not sit on the couch staring at the belly saying "What are you waiting for!". I know she is coming, and I know its soon. I'm trying to stay calm, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And after she is here, in the middle of the night when she is crying and Tragan is screaming for a drink, I will look back and think "why was I so anxious?" yet after it taking a year and a half of trying to get pregant with her, and then the 9 months for her to grow, it feels like I've been waiting too long. I'm sorry for my ornery attitude, and impatience, I will do better, but in the meantime, if I am hibernating, it is so I don't lose any friends between now and whenever she comes:)
Love you all, thanks for letting me vent:)
6 comments:
I hope she comes soon! I can't wait for you to post pictures. I love little babies!
If it's any consolation, you sound like I did at the end of my last three pregnancies. The last thing in the world you want to do is wait. I spent the last weeks of my pregnancy searching on the internet for ways to naturally induce labor (none of them worked for me by the way). Hang in there. If you're going crazy and need to get out of the house, give me a call and the boys can play anytime. I hate waiting for the last couple weeks.
hang in there honey...it will be here soon. it's perfectly normal to be ornery and impatient...you're miserable. don't be too hard on yourself. you will all make it through okay and tragan won't even remember it all.:)
love ya
Getting on your knees always helps you stand a little taller. I know this winter has been a huge struggle with Hyrum and I and I was feeling the same way- just plain onery! (I didn't have the extra stress and anxiety that you have though- which it likely the root of your onery, I was just onery...) But prayer, a lot of prayer, pulled us through. I think you are an amazing person and will be a great mom of 2! Just remember on those long sleepless nights how much you wanted your baby girl here. Stay stong girl! You are ALMOST there!
I just hope she comes soon! That has got to be so tough just waiting! I am not a very patient person at all, so I'm sure you are handling it much better than I ever could! Please let me know if you need anything either now or when she comes! I am so excited for you! :)
Tragan is coming over to my house Wednesday afternoon. I have to work tomorrow or I would be at your door. Honestly, I have not noticed you being onery or impatient. You are a great mom and Tragan and your little girl are very lucky kids!
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